Thursday, August 9, 2007

hodgepodge

listen , i've got no more patience for this thing.
i'm sorry but not i'm a performing monkey or a dancing bear.
it may seem like i pull all this off with apparent ease but let me tell you, it isn't so.
it is hard work...

hair gel, hydrogen peroxide the moustache, wax the eyebrows, sprints, sit-ups, tweezers, noxema, head&shoulders, conditioner, face soap, hand soap, scented candles, bubbles, manicures, pedicures, cucumbers on the eyes, cocoa butter, baby powder, self-help books, psychiatrists, pain pills, brain pills, body pills, and tennis lessons.

hard.

even if it is a lie, please tell me you laughed out loud at least once.

i'm desperate for affirmation.
i'll do anything...
you should see what they do at the leaning tower of Pisa...
if i say no, what does that say about me?remember gizmo of gremlins fame?
he/she/it is now in second place in the contest for the pet i want the most.
in first place is this little chinese man rolling in the grass.
weeeeeeee!!!! this is right after we all ate hashish together.
i swear. i feel bad.
i really do.
but i just can't help myself.i'm tempted to fly this guy back to SF,
and see what kind of business he would do in union square.
up the cost from 2 cents to 2 dollars and i think we might have a winner.
automatic systematic.

but why am i standing on the only wet spot.
this guy had just reached a new low.
i sat down with him for a while.
he cried and i listened.
i told him,"it can only get better from here."
it seemed to help.this is the same way i market my shit.
ambigous product.
same exact message.do not be embarassed to idolize this guy.
just a brazen approach.
he walks up to a car of foreign strangers in the middle of traffic.
he makes no facial expression whatsoever.
he takes off his shirt.
he just starts to flex.
why the fuck not?plaid on plaid is soso futurisitic.
at the bootleg DVD market.
out inflating your bicycle tire.
standing on a corner in the sun with an umbrella.
it doesn't matter where.
it is a winner.
embrace it cause it is here to stay.
forever.
rule #144.
under no circumstances, pick up the children of strangers.
no matter how much you want to chew on their cheeks.
there is just nothing more awkward than a stranger holding your baby.
i'm sorry but it's a rule.
is this me in 20 years?
yes or no, i win.
4AM.
waiting for the late night ferry from the casinos of macau to the island of hong kong.
these guys get busy with some group PSP.
i get busy with the lavender deluxe button-down.knuckle of the week.
my man "guinness" richi.
19 guinness book world records.
guinness rides a motorcycle for 1001 hours without stopping!
guinness flys from new delhi to oakland to deliver a pizza!
guinness adopts his 61 yr. old brother-in-law!
guinness asks his 62 year old wife for yet another kid??
she says NO.
guinness is stymied but not defeated.

see guinness suck down 500 grams of ketchup with a straw!
see guinness and his super tiny Koran!
see guinness stick 500 straws in his mouth!
what ever happened to ja rule?
whenever you're ready...

affirm.