hellohi. my name is the blue gooseberry and today i'll be sitting in (against my will) for that self-absorbed, vain, maniacal misanthrope zackary d. canepari. after a series of arguments, and a nasty incident involving a lamp and some old vegetables, i have agreed to guest host this week's installment.
the good thing is the jewishgenius, or jewgee, as he repeatedly asks me to call him, is out taking photos of lepers or kids holding flowers or old men (i forget which), so he will be unable to edit or criticize my opinions/content. therefore i plan on taking full advantage of my time with you all (his so-called friends. he is a black hole! what is the appeal?) and the oppurtunity for everyone to get to know me before he destroys my reputation. let's begin...
first off, a brief history of myself. my full name is generatoroperaterdestroyergooseberry the blue. my friends call me goose, blue goose or G.O.D.. please, do not call me blueberry, mrs. blueberry, blueberry balls or anyother clever combinations of this word. i am particularly sensitive about this...
below is a photograph of myself. strong. sleek. shiny. there is a reason he has been talking about me so much.
somewhere, canepari-extreme (another self-applied nickname. what the fuck is his deal?), found this little excerpt in a book. according to him, he went into some sort of obsessive-epiliptic fit, then proceeded to scare the shit out of some locals until he found me. the rest is a grotesque animal.
i'm not really sure why he wanted to show this photo. it's a slice. i think he really enjoyed it? i don't fucking know.
same with this one. he thinks these guys are giving him props on his new bike. bro, they. are. drunk.
aha! this is my expertise. traffic in this country is a fucking dirty knuckle. and no eye in the sky reporter for hourly updates... "new developments have slowed traffic on that nameless road in the middle of nowhere. a herder has slightly lost control of his cows and has been forced to run around in circles randomly slapping them on the ass with a switch and yelling at them in unintelligble gibberish. his tactics seem to be having no effect whatsoever and it looks as if this could cause quite a gridlock..."
this one is the most typical..."traffic in the old city remains congested, and in fact, has been nothing but congested for the last 2000 years or so, as rickshaw bikers and enormous wheelbarrow pushers still refuse to use any other part of the street besides the direct center. i'd expect delays to continue indefinitly. let's go get drunk."
and one of my personal favorites..."traffic today on the countries only major road slowed because of a holy elephant en route to a nearby temple. normally a smooth, uneventful journey, this trip was slowed when a reportedly hairy tourist, overjoyed by the site, decided it appropriate to pull over and take a series of photographs with the animal. further interruptions ensued as school children surrounded the tourist begging him for money, pens and chocolate. the tourist was seen fleeing the area wearing nothing but a pair of socks and a turban."
to my spiritual delight, complex-god-canepari and i took our maiden voyage together to Galta and the monkey temple, which is dedicated to the monkey-god Hanuman and consists of 3 large pools. one for men, one for women and one for the monkeys. to my complete embarassment, dotdotdot-canepari(what the fuck does that even mean? why does he keep writing it out? isn't it just an ellipsis? and i've been meaning to ask...who the fuck is mezuzah?) spent the entire time feeding, photographing and taunting the monkeys.
the scene upon leaving the monkey temple. this time tomselleck-canepari took the opportunity to instigate a battle royal between the monkeys and the cows by throwing all the leftover peanuts in the neutral area between them. i just closed my eyes in shame so i have no idea how this incident transpired.
that's us together. no doubt, we make a handsome pair. still, his striking good looks and rugged charm do not make up for his abusive personality. why does he have to give every monument in this country the middle finger? and even better, why is his hand facing the wrongway?
fuck this. i'm over it. nobody reads this thing. canepari-impotent has no friends and if he does, they surely have less of an attention span then he does.
turn the mike off...let him clean up his own mess...
friends and family. i apologize for the behavior of the goose. he has a hostile and reckless manner. he has already bit me twice and continously honks and taunts the local police into pulling me over. anyways, i'll be back next week to better represent my life here. good health and better luck to all. jesus
the good thing is the jewishgenius, or jewgee, as he repeatedly asks me to call him, is out taking photos of lepers or kids holding flowers or old men (i forget which), so he will be unable to edit or criticize my opinions/content. therefore i plan on taking full advantage of my time with you all (his so-called friends. he is a black hole! what is the appeal?) and the oppurtunity for everyone to get to know me before he destroys my reputation. let's begin...
first off, a brief history of myself. my full name is generatoroperaterdestroyergooseberry the blue. my friends call me goose, blue goose or G.O.D.. please, do not call me blueberry, mrs. blueberry, blueberry balls or anyother clever combinations of this word. i am particularly sensitive about this...
below is a photograph of myself. strong. sleek. shiny. there is a reason he has been talking about me so much.
somewhere, canepari-extreme (another self-applied nickname. what the fuck is his deal?), found this little excerpt in a book. according to him, he went into some sort of obsessive-epiliptic fit, then proceeded to scare the shit out of some locals until he found me. the rest is a grotesque animal.
i'm not really sure why he wanted to show this photo. it's a slice. i think he really enjoyed it? i don't fucking know.
same with this one. he thinks these guys are giving him props on his new bike. bro, they. are. drunk.
aha! this is my expertise. traffic in this country is a fucking dirty knuckle. and no eye in the sky reporter for hourly updates... "new developments have slowed traffic on that nameless road in the middle of nowhere. a herder has slightly lost control of his cows and has been forced to run around in circles randomly slapping them on the ass with a switch and yelling at them in unintelligble gibberish. his tactics seem to be having no effect whatsoever and it looks as if this could cause quite a gridlock..."
this one is the most typical..."traffic in the old city remains congested, and in fact, has been nothing but congested for the last 2000 years or so, as rickshaw bikers and enormous wheelbarrow pushers still refuse to use any other part of the street besides the direct center. i'd expect delays to continue indefinitly. let's go get drunk."
and one of my personal favorites..."traffic today on the countries only major road slowed because of a holy elephant en route to a nearby temple. normally a smooth, uneventful journey, this trip was slowed when a reportedly hairy tourist, overjoyed by the site, decided it appropriate to pull over and take a series of photographs with the animal. further interruptions ensued as school children surrounded the tourist begging him for money, pens and chocolate. the tourist was seen fleeing the area wearing nothing but a pair of socks and a turban."
to my spiritual delight, complex-god-canepari and i took our maiden voyage together to Galta and the monkey temple, which is dedicated to the monkey-god Hanuman and consists of 3 large pools. one for men, one for women and one for the monkeys. to my complete embarassment, dotdotdot-canepari(what the fuck does that even mean? why does he keep writing it out? isn't it just an ellipsis? and i've been meaning to ask...who the fuck is mezuzah?) spent the entire time feeding, photographing and taunting the monkeys.
the scene upon leaving the monkey temple. this time tomselleck-canepari took the opportunity to instigate a battle royal between the monkeys and the cows by throwing all the leftover peanuts in the neutral area between them. i just closed my eyes in shame so i have no idea how this incident transpired.
that's us together. no doubt, we make a handsome pair. still, his striking good looks and rugged charm do not make up for his abusive personality. why does he have to give every monument in this country the middle finger? and even better, why is his hand facing the wrongway?
fuck this. i'm over it. nobody reads this thing. canepari-impotent has no friends and if he does, they surely have less of an attention span then he does.turn the mike off...let him clean up his own mess...
friends and family. i apologize for the behavior of the goose. he has a hostile and reckless manner. he has already bit me twice and continously honks and taunts the local police into pulling me over. anyways, i'll be back next week to better represent my life here. good health and better luck to all. jesus
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