ha! gullible. you should have seen the look on your chevychase. i was just fucking with you! last blahg? death of dotdotdot? end of ...? no more gooseberry-destroyer? you should have known better. my middle name is anikulapo which means i will never die. do some research! but i did move to Bundi and i do now live in a blue shanty with a blue gooseberry, a puppy named G.O.D., a camel named fucki'macamel, a new car that looks like a phonograph and a brand, spankingNew leaf to turn.
anyways, now that y'all have breathed a collective sigh of relief and now that i have your short-lived attention, today i thought i'd discuss the word color with a U. spelled colour. pronounced the same. not really sure why but then again, why the fuck not?
it is of my opinion that the simplest way to explain color with a U is with visual aids. for this introduction, i went to the spiritual capital of coloUr during the coloUr war which so happened to have taken place in the Pink City in the desert.
to participate in the coloUr war there are a few small requirements dotdotdot
first, form a mob (we called ourselves toodrunktofuck aka dickwhiskey).
next, obtain copious amount of toxic paint powder(color with a U!).
after that, get properly sideways drinking baang(weed! laced in your tea! fucking brilliant.).
finally, lotion up head-to-toe with cocoa butter (otherwise toxic paint powder stains are for life!).
collectively(and carefully) choose a song that your mob will be forced to sing repeatedly throughout the day (i suggested "fuck martinez" but was overruled. we settled on "que sera sera.").
once you're all supplied-up, religously ecstatic and highasakite...
Hit. The. Streets.
the rules of the ColoUr War are basic.
DeStRoy EvErytHinG.
...especially focus on white people.
oh yeah...and if you have the rare pleasure of destroying a white girl, absolutely make sure you grab her breast in the process. don't worry. it's legit. 
now ColoUr war often does get out of hand. from the pink city picyaune..."a young white girl was reportedly gang-raped in downtown pink city this afternoon. early reports indicate that approximately a dozen perpetrators emerged from the back of a very small ice-cream truck and were all disguised with white make-up, puffy red noses and enormous-noveltysize-squeeking shoes. A group of school children broke up the violent episode when they mistook the squeeze-toy noises and the sing-song music bleating from the megaphone as their chance for an afternoon orange-creamsicle push-pop. The children are saying that when they did arrive on the scene the truck was already fleeing, leaving behind a dust storm of pink hearts, yellow moons, blue stars and green clovers. The victim was said to be found in good spirits, eating yellow paint, smiling stupidly, and covered in a rainbow spray of romance juice. the local government in a rare show of humility, have decided to only publicly stone the victim and drink her blood, but will still allow her burning ashes to be floated on the ganges river according to hindi tradition."
then things got really ugly...
"in a unrelated episode, an intoxicated white male was arrested in the pink city for what the police are calling "grotesque animal love." the man, identified as canepari-Elite, drew attention to himself by suspiciously following a small white shiiiit-sue down the main boulevard of the old city. The situation escalated when Elite produced a sack of toxic coloUred paint powder which he proceeded to bombard the toy-dog with. fortunately for the victim the majority of the paints landed back-on-zack causing what most onlookers have described as "acute embarassement." the canine, which did suffer one hot pink blast, is recovering well, and has supposedly already sold the film rights to her remarkable story, reportedly titled "pink city pink doggie." Elite, who refused to allow his face to be photographed for what he claims is a disorder called "extreme vanity", will be held indefintly in a local jail. in his first court appearance Canepari-banananutcrunch announced that he would remain tight-lipped until his lawyer, the Blue Gooseberry, arrived. Despite our efforts Gooseberry refused to answer any questions, claiming he had already "said too much"."
then i was molested by the gooseberry. i am ashamed to say it, but i enjoyed it. quite a bit actually. alot.
alot alot.
afterwards, i washed. then we spooned.
so there you have it. now you know why i spell color with U. if you have questions, keep them to yourselves.
on a seperate note, the night ended with a tone of bitter lonliness. the white arrow points to the balcony of the hotel i wanted to stay at. it was full. see it? bathed in blinking lights. you could hear the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses from across the way. the red arrow points to my hotel balcony. i am sitting under a flourescent light bulb and my beer is warm.
woe. is. me.
now some quotes from frank vincent's (aka phil leotardo from "the sopranos" and frank marino from "casino") new self-help book "being a man's man."
"The Atlantis (in the Bahamas) is a unique and beautiful hotel. It has the largest outdoor aquarium in this hemisphere...women love that sort of thing."
"Pierce Brosnan's chest hair is your guideline...His is trimmed right and women like it"
"if you dare to wear sandals with a suit...you should be shot. The only Man's Man who get away with open-toed sandals is JESUS."
"If you have problems putting together the suit, shirt and tie...ask a nice-looking women friend...consult the gay neighbor in apartment 3B."
"Accidently slicing your women in bed with your toenails during sex ain't too cool."
trytostopme.
anyways, now that y'all have breathed a collective sigh of relief and now that i have your short-lived attention, today i thought i'd discuss the word color with a U. spelled colour. pronounced the same. not really sure why but then again, why the fuck not?
it is of my opinion that the simplest way to explain color with a U is with visual aids. for this introduction, i went to the spiritual capital of coloUr during the coloUr war which so happened to have taken place in the Pink City in the desert.
to participate in the coloUr war there are a few small requirements dotdotdotfirst, form a mob (we called ourselves toodrunktofuck aka dickwhiskey).
next, obtain copious amount of toxic paint powder(color with a U!).
after that, get properly sideways drinking baang(weed! laced in your tea! fucking brilliant.).
finally, lotion up head-to-toe with cocoa butter (otherwise toxic paint powder stains are for life!).
collectively(and carefully) choose a song that your mob will be forced to sing repeatedly throughout the day (i suggested "fuck martinez" but was overruled. we settled on "que sera sera.").
once you're all supplied-up, religously ecstatic and highasakite...
Hit. The. Streets.
the rules of the ColoUr War are basic.DeStRoy EvErytHinG.
...especially focus on white people.
oh yeah...and if you have the rare pleasure of destroying a white girl, absolutely make sure you grab her breast in the process. don't worry. it's legit. 
now ColoUr war often does get out of hand. from the pink city picyaune..."a young white girl was reportedly gang-raped in downtown pink city this afternoon. early reports indicate that approximately a dozen perpetrators emerged from the back of a very small ice-cream truck and were all disguised with white make-up, puffy red noses and enormous-noveltysize-squeeking shoes. A group of school children broke up the violent episode when they mistook the squeeze-toy noises and the sing-song music bleating from the megaphone as their chance for an afternoon orange-creamsicle push-pop. The children are saying that when they did arrive on the scene the truck was already fleeing, leaving behind a dust storm of pink hearts, yellow moons, blue stars and green clovers. The victim was said to be found in good spirits, eating yellow paint, smiling stupidly, and covered in a rainbow spray of romance juice. the local government in a rare show of humility, have decided to only publicly stone the victim and drink her blood, but will still allow her burning ashes to be floated on the ganges river according to hindi tradition."
then things got really ugly..."in a unrelated episode, an intoxicated white male was arrested in the pink city for what the police are calling "grotesque animal love." the man, identified as canepari-Elite, drew attention to himself by suspiciously following a small white shiiiit-sue down the main boulevard of the old city. The situation escalated when Elite produced a sack of toxic coloUred paint powder which he proceeded to bombard the toy-dog with. fortunately for the victim the majority of the paints landed back-on-zack causing what most onlookers have described as "acute embarassement." the canine, which did suffer one hot pink blast, is recovering well, and has supposedly already sold the film rights to her remarkable story, reportedly titled "pink city pink doggie." Elite, who refused to allow his face to be photographed for what he claims is a disorder called "extreme vanity", will be held indefintly in a local jail. in his first court appearance Canepari-banananutcrunch announced that he would remain tight-lipped until his lawyer, the Blue Gooseberry, arrived. Despite our efforts Gooseberry refused to answer any questions, claiming he had already "said too much"."
then i was molested by the gooseberry. i am ashamed to say it, but i enjoyed it. quite a bit actually. alot.
alot alot.
afterwards, i washed. then we spooned.
so there you have it. now you know why i spell color with U. if you have questions, keep them to yourselves.on a seperate note, the night ended with a tone of bitter lonliness. the white arrow points to the balcony of the hotel i wanted to stay at. it was full. see it? bathed in blinking lights. you could hear the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses from across the way. the red arrow points to my hotel balcony. i am sitting under a flourescent light bulb and my beer is warm.
woe. is. me.
now some quotes from frank vincent's (aka phil leotardo from "the sopranos" and frank marino from "casino") new self-help book "being a man's man."
"The Atlantis (in the Bahamas) is a unique and beautiful hotel. It has the largest outdoor aquarium in this hemisphere...women love that sort of thing."
"Pierce Brosnan's chest hair is your guideline...His is trimmed right and women like it" 
"if you dare to wear sandals with a suit...you should be shot. The only Man's Man who get away with open-toed sandals is JESUS."
"If you have problems putting together the suit, shirt and tie...ask a nice-looking women friend...consult the gay neighbor in apartment 3B."
"Accidently slicing your women in bed with your toenails during sex ain't too cool."
trytostopme.
